Okay, ShitPumps-

The question is, do vampires sparkle?

SP: NO!

Why or why not?

SP: Because REAL vampires don't sparkle.

What is your proof?

SP: Mythology!

*facepalm*

Seriously, trying to claim REAL vampires don't sparkle, when in fact vampires don't sparkle nor do they burn up in the sun, nor do they walk on water or eat only cake. Because one cannot say vampires do or do not do any of these things because there is no proof. Mythology is just another set of stories, not the "Manual on All Things Fictitious" or the "Book of Almighty Magic Rules That Must Be Adhered to on Penalty of DEATH!". Trying to prove fiction with fiction, what a bunch of morons. Mythology is not the cookie cutter that all stories must fit into! Who wants cookie cutter anyways....oh, right. Sorry, my bad. Some people do.

The point is that vampires do what they want, because they're fictitious. If God itself wrote a vampire myth where vampires sparkle because of "magic", then who gives a shit!?

If a unicorn wanted to shit only Lucky Charms, who's to say otherwise? Where is that written in your Mythology book, hmmm? Are you going to deny my Lucky Charm shitting unicorn because it says Unicorns don't poop?! Well?? C'mon now, my unicorn is getting rather cross from the constipation!

Guillermo Del Toro bastardized the idea of a Tooth Fairy: IT EATS MOTHER FUCKING TEETH! I didn't hear my mommy telling me about that one at night, or I would've slept with my lips stapled together. Go bitch about that! Write Mr. Del Toro a strongly worded letter. Go be angry over something really fucked up in the land of Mythos.

So, as to who gives a shit about all of this utterly pointless nonsense: The shitpumps do. Oooooh lordy, watch out boy, she'll chew you up. Whoooaa here she comes, she's a maaaaan eater.....(break for song interlude)

So much self-importance.

To be en vogue.

To hate something without justification.

To think that all change is always for the worst.

To believe that your ideas are widely held is just childish.

Insert "MY VAMPIRE COULD EAT YOUR VAMPIRE" here....oh yea, well my level 70 Warlock would turn your vampire into a pile of GLITTER! Hahahahaha. It's so silly!

The righteous anger some people have over something that's not even real! Ugh, so much fucked in the world and they're fixating over something as relevant as Iron Man.

Hey girls, my nail polish has glitter in it, but I'm wearing fangs and drinking blood. FUCK I'M NOT A REAL VAMPIRE NOW OH NOOOOOOO!

INCOMMMMMMMING RIGHTEOUS ANGER FROM VAMPIRE MYTHOLOGY PURISTS WHO AREN'T ACTUALLY KNOWLEDGEABLE ABOUT ANYTHING RELATING TO VAMPIRE FICTION OR MOVIES IN 3......2.......1.....




(that's your cue).....

Oh, and for the record, I hereby claim that I've found a piece of ancient mythology that states all fictitious creatures must be named Steve. Forever. Anything not named Steve will not be acknowledged. </sarcasm>